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UmmOmar
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« on: April 28, 2010, 05:52:57 AM »

Bismillahir-Ra7manir-Ra7eem

Many of us are unable to control anger and let it lose quickly which has some bad consequences. Here's a fatwa from Islam Q&A where they (may ALLAH reward them) describe how to control it.

Praise be to Allaah. 

The issue of dealing with anger has already been discussed. Please see question no. 658. Means of dealing with anger include the following:

·        Seeking refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan.

·        Keeping quiet.

·        Calming down; if you are standing, you should sit down; if you are sitting, you should lie down.

·        Remembering the reward for restraining anger, as it says in the saheeh hadeeth: “Do not get angry and Paradise will be yours.”

·        Understanding the high status of one who controls himself, as it says in the saheeh hadeeth: “Whoever restrains his anger, Allaah will cover his faults. Whoever controls his fury – even if he is able to show it – Allaah will fill his heart with hope on the Day of Resurrection.” (Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 906).

·        Learning what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) teachings concerning anger.

·        Knowing that controlling anger is one of the signs of piety, as it says in the hadeeth quoted above.

·        Paying attention when reminded, controlling oneself and following advice.

·        Knowing the bad effects of anger.

·        Thinking about how one is affected at the moment of anger.

·        Praying that Allaah will remove this resentment from one's heart.

There follows a lovely story on this topic:

There was a boy who was always losing his temper. His father gave him a bag full of nails and said to him, “My son, I want you to hammer a nail into our garden fence every time you need to direct your anger against something and you lose your temper.”

So the son started to follow his father’s advice. On the first day he hammered in 37 nails, but getting the nails into the fence was not easy, so he started trying to control himself when he got angry. As the days went by, he was hammering in less nails, and within weeks he was able to control himself and was able to refrain from getting angry and from hammering nails. He came to his father and told him what he had achieved. His father was happy with his efforts and said to him: “But now, my son, you have to take out a nail for every day that you do not get angry.”

The son started to take out the nails for each day that he did not get angry, until there were no nails left in the fence.

He came to his father and told him what he had achieved. His father took him to the fence and said, “My son, you have done well, but look at these holes in the fence. This fence will never be the same again.” Then he added: “When you say things in a state of anger, they leave marks like these holes on the hearts of others. You can stab a person and withdraw the knife but it doesn’t matter how many times you say ‘I’m sorry,’ because the wound will remain.


Islam Q&A


http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/21357
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And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad SAW) concerning Me, then, I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright. Qur'an (2:186)
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« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2010, 12:01:09 AM »

Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful

As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu!

I pray for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) to grant you all the best of health and be rich in emaan!

I would like to share some of my knowledge and what I have been taught concerning this great topic about anger that has been brought up by our dear sister Tasneem.
As you say, sister Tasneem, many people are unable to control their anger and let it lose quickly. And it is quite hard for some to learn to control it.

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us in the Noble Qur'an;

"So, whatever thing you have been given in this world it is but (for) enjoyment of the worldly life. But what is with Allah is better and more lasting for those who have believed and upon their Lord rely" [The Qur'an; Chapter 42 (Ash Shuraa - Consultation) : Verse 36]

Meaning that everything in this life is nothing compared to next life, and people in this life get hung up on worldly things and when something goes wrong they tend to freak out and think that it is the end of the world. But no, it is not the end of the world. Whatever you have been given is Mata'a (in arabic) which means that something you use but you don't neccessarily enjoy. Back in the times, the acient arabs used to use a brush to scrape dishes with. It is something you use but you don't say "WOW, what an amazing brush!" because it is not something you neccessarily enjoy. Forks, shuffles etc are examples of Mata'a in arabic.

From the verse above, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Says that everything in this world, everything we have been given is Mata'a. In other words it is something for us to use for a higher purpose and the thing to enjoy is in the next life. So, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us; "But what is with Allah is better".

So, what Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) tells us from this verse is that whatever we have in this world, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) has something much better than that. For example you have youth, strength or ability, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) will give you better of those things. So, the message we get is that we should not get caught up on these worldly things we have. As great as these things are, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) has it better!
But, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) added another adjective into the verse, which is Abqa, and that means that it is much more everlasting. In other words, everything in this life is temporary. For example you have health, but it will start withering away. You have strength, it starts weakening. You have a nice car, it starts getting problems. You have friends, they disappear or move to another place or you drift away and have your own lives. Everything you have in this life and that you enjoy doesn't last. So Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) says why don't you work for something  (1) that is better, (2) last longer. But for those who? It is for "those who have believed".

Allah(Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) does not only mean "believers" in general when talking about that verse, even though it is included. But it is also for those believers who believe in that these worldly things are not as good as those things in the next life.  And it is also for "those who upon their Lord rely" as mentioned in the verse. It takes a lot of trust in Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) to really believe that what He is offering you in the next life is something you haven't even seen or even touched or smelled, only heard about and that is enough for you to trust on Allah's (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Words.

Then Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Says;
"And thos who avoid the major sins and shameful deeds, and when they are angry, they forgive." [The Qur'an; Chapter 42 (Ash Shuraa - Consultation) : Verse 37]

Those are implied for those who prefer the next life over this life, they keep theirselves (1) away from the most major of the sin (a side point here; there are major sins and minor sins). The first priority is to get away from major sins. Some tend to do the major sins and talks about to not do minor sins. And then Allah SWT says (2) all forms of shamelessness, vulgarity etc and then (3) when they get angry, they forgive.

The connection between the two verses is that when people easily get caught up on the worldly things and when something goes wrong they get easily angry. But those who believe and trust in Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) whether they gain or loose or something goes wrong it is not that big of a deal for them. You can easily say; Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Raji'oon - Without any doubt, we all are from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) and to Him we shall return, and it is then easy for you to calm down.
That really happens when you first internalise the first lesson.
The second issue was to stay away from major sins and Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) specifically highlighted one of them; which is all forms of shamelessness.

What is shamelessness?
It is the inner ability to control your temptations, your emotions. You have an urge and you let it out. You have an urge to see something and you don't hold back, you look at it. You have an urge to go somewhere, but you can't hold yourself back and you go there. You have an urge to contact someone or be with someone and you do it, you don't hold back. No matter if it pleases Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) or not, that's not on your mind. The thing is you cannot control yourself when it comes to these urges. But if you LOSE over these urges and these emotions and when it comes to your anger you will also be out of control too.
So the one who is shameless, is also easily the one who has no control of its temper. But the one who can guard their shame and control that emotion will have so much easier to hold back their anger. Guarding your shame and control your emotion is much more powerful by the way, because all of us have temptations towards shamelessness all the time - we have to guard ourselves all the time, and the one who can do that can hold back their anger so much easier!.

And the verse continues, so whenever they get angry, they forgive. Getting angry and calm down is one thing, that is hard enough. But if someone made you really upset and Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) says if these people who really trust Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) and want the next life than this one; when they are really angry, that's when they forgive. SubhanAllah!

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us that if you really want the next life (Paradise) learn to forgive when you are angry. SubhanAllah! And this is not mandatory, it is for those who are in a higher rank. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) make us from them, Ameen!!

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) tells us in the next verses;
"And the payback for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconcilation - his reward is (due) from Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers." [The Qur'an; Chapter 42 (Ash Shuraa - Concilation) : Verse 40]

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) says you can get angry, you can get revenge. The reward of something that has been bad to you (the payback) is something you can pay back. Somebody slaps you, you can slap him right back. This is indeed allowed in Islam (revenge).
But Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) tells that if you still can learn to forgive and reconcile, the reward is so emmense that it cannot even be described, the only thing that can be said is that it is on Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa). In other words, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) will take care of your reward.

May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) make it easy for all of us to keep our anger and to keep ourselves calm down, especially give us the ability to forgive, particularly when it comes to people in the family (because many people tend to be very unforgiving to many familymembers), Ameen.

Baraka Allahu Feeki Dear sister for bringing up this important topic!

Take Care and Stay Blessed!
Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

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Whatever good that I have said is from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), but whatever wrong I have said is from myself and my misdeeds. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) forgive our sins and mistakes, Ameen!
And remember; Amr Bil Ma'ruf Wa Nahi Anil Munkar! (Command the right and forbid the evil) - So, dear sisters and brothers, correct me if you see anything wrong I have done and InshaAllah Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) will reward you with Blessings and Goodness in this life and in the Hereafter!
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« Last Edit: April 29, 2010, 12:41:29 AM by Sham » Logged

Allah (SWT) is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and the Paradise is my Goal
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Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny
UmmOmar
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« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2010, 06:21:10 AM »

wa `alaykum as-salam wa ra7mat ALLAH wa barakatuh

wa iyyaki barak ALLAH for your very informative reply


ma`a salam


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And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad SAW) concerning Me, then, I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright. Qur'an (2:186)
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« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2010, 11:20:54 AM »

Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful


wa `alaykum as-salam wa ra7mat ALLAH wa barakatuh

wa iyyaki barak ALLAH for your very informative reply

ma`a salam



Wa Feeki BarakAllah Dear Sister! May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'laa) be pleased with you, Ameen!

Take Care and Stay Blessed!
Ma 'As Salam
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Allah (SWT) is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and the Paradise is my Goal
--
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny
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« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2010, 06:36:01 AM »

Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful

As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu My Dear Sisters and Brothers in Islam!

I hope you all are doing great! May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) grant you all with the best of health and strong emaan, Ameen!

I would like to post an article I found on Kalamullah.

Hope it will be beneficial for all of us, InshaAllah.

ANGER - Ten Ways to Defeat It

1 - Seek refuge with Allah from the Devil:

Sulayman bin Sard narrated:

"I was sitting with the Prophet, when two men began slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet said: "I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said: "I seek refuge with Allah from the Devil," what he feels would go away.'"

['Fath al-Bari'; 6/337]

The Messenger of Allah said:

"If a man gets angry and says: "I seek refuge with Allah," his anger will go away."

['Sahih al-Jami'; # 695]


2 - Remain silent:

The Messenger of Allah said:

"If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent."

['Sahih al-Jami'; # 693]


3 - Sit down or lie down:

"Abu Dharr was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said to one another: "Who can compete with Abu Dharr in bringing animals to drink and make his hair stand on end?" A man said: "I can." So, he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr and ended up breaking the trough.Abu Dharr was standing when he saw this, so, he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him: "O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?" He said: "The Messenger of Allah said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so that his anger will go away. If iit does not go away, let him lie down."""

[Reported in the 'Musnad' of Ahmad (5/152) and 'Sahih al-Jami' (694)]

al-Imam al-Khattabi said: "One who is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret, and Allah Knows best."

['Ma'alim as-Sunan'; 5/141]


4 - Smile:

Anas bin Malik narrated:

"I was walking with the Messenger of Allah, and he was wearing a Najrani cloak with a rough collar. A bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allah that he had. The Prophet turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something."

['Fath al-Bari'; 10/375]


5 - Remember the advice of the Prophet:

Abu Hurayrah narrated:

"A man said to the Prophet: "Advise me." He said: "Do not become angry." The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet said to him: "Do not become angry.""

['Fath al-Bari'; 10/456]

According to another narration, the man later said: "I thought about what the Prophet said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil."

[Reported in the 'Musnad' of Ahmad; 5/373]


6 - Remember the high status of those who control themselves:

The Messenger of Allah said:

"The strong man is not the one who can overpower others. Rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry."

[Reported in the 'Musnad' of Ahmad; 2/236, and it is authentic]

The Messenger of Allah also said:

"The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger."

['Sahih al-Jami'; # 3859]

Anas bin Malik narrated

"The Messenger of Allah passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked: "What is this?" They said: "So-and-so is the strongest; he can beat anybody." The Messenger of Allah then said: "Shall I not tell you who is even stronger then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own devil and the devil of the one who made him angry.""

['Fath al-Bari'; 10/519]


7 - Rewards for those who control their anger:

The Messenger of Allah said:

"Do not become angry, and Paradise is yours."

['Sahih al-Jami'; # 7374]

The Messenger of Allah said:

"Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hur al-'Ayn whoever he wants."

[Reported by Abu Dawud (4777), and it is in 'Sahih al-Jami' (6518)]


8 - Remember that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness:

{"And march forth in the way to forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Paradise as wide as the heavens and the earth, prepared for the righteous; those who spend in prosperity and in adversity, repress anger, and pardon men. Verily, Allah loves the good-doers."} [Al 'Imran; 134]


9 - Submit to reminders:

Ibn 'Abbas narrated:

"A man sought permission to speak to 'Umar bin al-Khattab, then he said: "O Ibn al-Khattab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us." 'Umar was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr bin Qays - who was one of those present - said: "O Commander of the Believers! Allah said to His Prophet: {"Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish."} [al-A'raf; 199], and this man is one of the foolish." By Allah, 'Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this verse to him, as he a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allah."

['Fath al-Bari'; 4/304]

...as opposed to how one of the hypocrites reacted when one of the Companions said to him: "Seek refuge with Allah from the Devil," So, he replied: "Do you think I am crazy? Go away!"

['Fath al-Bari'; 1/465]


10 - Remember the bad effects of anger:

'Alqamah bin Wa'il narrated:

"My father said to me: "I was sitting with the Prophet, when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said: "O Messenger of Allah, this man killed my brother." The Messenger of Allah asked him, "Did you kill him?" He said: "Yes, I killed him." He asked: "How did you kill him?" He said: "He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall for animal feed, and then he insulted me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe and killed him.""

['Sahih Muslim'; # 1307]

----------------------------

May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) strengthen our emaan and Enlighten our hearts with His Nûr and Help us to control ourselves and our anger, Ameen!

Stay Strong and Blessed My Dear Sisters and Brothers in Islam!
Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
« Last Edit: May 07, 2010, 07:11:57 AM by Sham » Logged

Allah (SWT) is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and the Paradise is my Goal
--
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny
 
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